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Who's Afriad of the Big Bad Wolf?

I'll Blow Your Fucking House Down

Created on 2006-06-22 00:14:11 (#10504855), last updated 2008-03-06

24 comments received, 405 comments posted

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6 Journal Entries, 2 Tags, 12 Memories, 0 Virtual Gifts, 15 Userpics

Basic Info

Name:	The Big Bad Wolf

Bio

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
name: Bigsby Wolf (Big Bad Wolf)
source material: Little Red Riding Hood
approximate age: A couple hundred by now. Bigs' life and physical age depends on the retelling of his fabel. Still being a commonly told tale, he's able to stay young looking.
gender/preference: He or it. Bigsby likes young girls.

personality: He thinks he's terribly charming and he can be but is too creepy to get away with much. He's a con artist but also lazy so that 'Big Score' is always out of reach. Big isn't as tough as he'd like people to think and talks a big game without delivering. When challenged, he'll usually walk away. Can be very passive aggressive and easily charmed, himself.
strengths: Big is able to turn into wolf form when he feels like it and can talk people into a circle.
weaknesses: After becoming his wolf form, Big is too tired to change back to 'human' for at least a day. He's clever without being very smart so he's easily fooled and sidetracked by his own schemes. he has no special healing or strength above a normal human.

history: After his run in with Little Red (whom he stalked or 'wooed' as he likes to put it), Bigsby has been traveling up and down the south, trying to blend in with humans. Unfortunately he chose the backwater cultures and hillbillies and is a little confused on what is acceptable or normal behavoir. He's held jobs peddling fake medicines, reading tarot cards, or anything else that requires him to talk fast without keeping promises. Big is always in search of his Red Riding Hood even though he sees her as the villian of his own story. He has a nasty habit of eating people so staying in one place for too long is difficult. He bored easily of anything cutting into his laying around time and kept no real company past the point of digestion.
skills & abilities: Can turn into a wolf on will. He has no strength above human or healing factor.

appearance: Bigsby loves clothes. He dresses like a dandy or a mariachi, depending on his mood. He typically has terrible taste, especially when it comes to hair. It's ratty and long. He goes unbathed even in his expensive eye sores. Big speaks in a very thick southern accent that is between a Kentucky twang and louisianin. He stays on the outskirts of the south much of the time and picks up speech patterns here and there. If pointed out to him that his accent is ridiculous, he would think you silly. Big is trying his best to appear human but tends to fail with bad taste.
pb: Bigsby is played by Jack White.

third person writing sample:

The woodsman knocks on a thick wooden door late at night. He's looking for something he needs. Something that's his, something that got up and walked away as soon as his back is turned. The large man sighs as if the world has put on his a great burden. A burden of the name 'Bigsby Wolf'. The door open and a gnarled young man opens it, looking to the left of his guest, then right, before finally eying with a mixture of fained innocence and suspicion.
"May ah help you, brother?"

"I... think you have my axe..."

Big's brow furrows in question.
"Why, son, that pretty lady hasn't been 'ere since a moon ago. I'd thank you ta mind your own now."
The door shuts in his face. The woodsman takes a few cleansing breaths and knocks again. Then again. Big seems to be faking being out for the evening despite having just opened the door. After pounding his fist raw the entrance opens to him again. This time Big looks particularly curious as to what he's still doing, if not on his doorstep, then in his personal reality all together.
"My axe."
The woodsman mimes a chopping motion. The wold strokes his grizzled facial hair and pounders this.

"Why, ah think ah did see somethin' shiny and lethal like. Didn't have your name on it though. Followed me home as I recall. Or that could 'ave been the ex..."
The unwilling visitor rubs his temples feeling a tension headache coming on and just gives into the gaping maw that is Bigsby Wolf.
"My father gave that... forget it. Let me get my check book..."

Ten minutes later Bigsby is admiring the man's penmanship and inspecting the crisp paper.
"Why, lookie at all them pretty digits and zeros. You do have a nice John Handcock, boy. And I'm real glad to be doin' business with yah. Don't be a stranger now, ya hear?"
He slams the door shut on him once again.

************************************************
Included is a short children's story, something Big tried to get published as the 'truth of the story'. It was rejected at every major publishing house and most of the minor ones.

Little Red Riding Hood was never what you might call a 'good girl' though you could never tell by the way she acted. Preening and sugary sweet as can be, she drifted through her parents life the perfect child to anyone looking. And she always got what she wanted. God help those who kept it from her.

One day as she left for her Grandmother's house. Mother was bothering her with her constant demands for things like chores and conversation. At her Grandma's she did as she pleased, knowing the old bat could do nothing and would probably forget her remarks soon after.

On the way she met up with The Big Bad Wolf, an off again on again companion in her schemes. Together the two have terrorized girls at school Red didn't like or thought were prettier then her. She thought she had the wolf wrapped around her finger. Though he was annoying with his own, more disgusting demands. But she would toss her hair back and giggle replying, "You're silly, Wolf! I think you're silly!"
And skip away.

This time she chewed thoughtfully on a piece of cheese from her basket (packed for grandmother) during her walk. The wolf appears in front of her.
"Red, little Red, come with me. Forget your walk today."
Red pinches a piece of cheese in her fingers and flicks it at him, walking past. But the wolf could be tenacious and he followed.
"Red, what long hair you have."
"The better to braid it." She bragged.
The wolf could see that these compliments were getting him somewhere and continued.
"My Red, what a sweet voice you have."
"The better to sing with, wolf." She said.
"Oh, Red, what a beautiful hood you wear."
The girl's hand comes out in a blur and cuts his arm with a sharpened nail file.
"The better to hide bloody stains with, wolf! Now get away! I'll not be seen with you today!"

Red walks past him, turning up her nose. She ignores the wolf's whimpering all the way there and enters her Grandmothers house, the animal waiting patiently for her to come back out.

But shortly after the old woman is bothering her for favors.
"Red Riding Hood, please! Help your Grandmother up."
Red rolls her eyes, not bothering to move from her place at the window where she was picking at her nails.
"I'll be right there, Grandma."

After a long time Grandmother called out to her again. "Red Riding Hood, please! Help your Grandmother up."

Annoyed now, Little Red yells back, "I'll be right there, Grandma!"

After another several minutes Grandmother tries to get up herself, falling and cracking her skull wide open. At the sound Red came running out and seeing the old woman dead she sprinted outside. Running into the wolf she told him of what happened and that he should eat her up so no one knows what happened, for surly she would be ruined. The wolf takes pity on her and eats Grandmother. But as he does this Red is plotting. What if the wold tells her story? He could blackmail her for the awful things he always suggests.
She runs off and comes across a woodsman she knew was working in the forest. Telling him the now famous story of the wolf tricking her and consuming her poor old Granny, the woodsman picks up his axe and goes after poor Big Bad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LI'L RED RIDING HOOD (Ronald Blackwell)

Owoooooooo!
Who's that I see walkin' in these woods?
Why, it's Little Red Riding Hood.
Hey there Little Red Riding Hood,
You sure are looking good.
You're everything a big bad wolf could want.
Listen to me.

Little Red Riding Hood
I don't think little big girls should
Go walking in these spooky old woods alone.
Owoooooooo!

What big eyes you have,
The kind of eyes that drive wolves mad.
So just to see that you don't get chased
I think I ought to walk with you for a ways.

What full lips you have.
They're sure to lure someone bad.
So until you get to grandma's place
I think you ought to walk with me and be safe.

I'm gonna keep my sheep suit on
Until I'm sure that you've been shown
That I can be trusted walking with you alone.
Owoooooooo!

Little Red Riding Hood
I'd like to hold you if I could
But you might think I'm a big bad wolf so I won't.
Owoooooooo!

What a big heart I have-the better to love you with.
Little Red Riding Hood
Even bad wolves can be good.
I'll try to be satisfied just to walk close by your side.
Maybe you'll see things my way before we get to grandma's place.

Little Red Riding Hood
You sure are looking good
You're everything that a big bad wolf could want.
Owoooooooo! I mean baaaaaa! Baaa?

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